Implicit Last Name: the Women in my Family

This post pays homage to the 3 generations of women before me. Will also refine beyond this first draft.

Although I’ve made peace with most things that come with this gender, I still find the institution of last names irritating because that’s what’s explicitly passed down, despite the much more meaningful gifts coming from the line of women on my mom’s side, which I call my implicit last name.

In her 20s, a producer had asked my mom if she wanted to play Song Ching-ling (Madame Sun Yat-sen) in a movie, and she declined to focus on her career. It's fun to imagine what would have happened in the multiverse if she said yes. (pictured: her and Michelle Yeoh)

My mom has a legendary reputation among people that know her. In addition to sustained professional excellence, she is always the life of the party thanks to her dramatic, unforgettable stage presence. She straight up bilingually MC’s international events that she organizes behind-the-scenes. She sings beautifully despite having little training. She has the ability to converse effortlessly with anyone from all walks of life, and maintains a fashion style that balances strength with elegance. She plans to leave her Qi Pao (traditional, now ceremonial Chinese dress) collection to me, which I can hardly utilize but would gladly keep.

She grew up in a small town in Southwestern China and went to the equivalent of a state university at 16 years old, where she studied English and minored in French. She was so young yet popular and confident, a dancing queen (her words) that also organized balls. She started at a local cultural office but quickly passed the government entrance exam (first-place in her batch) and moved to Beijing. It was a stable job, but she wasn’t complacent. When I was 3, she won a competitive scholarship that allowed her to get a Masters in Arts Administration in London, during which time she took grandpa on a tour all over Europe that he says is one of his favorite life memories. Her gift to me is how to hustle for a place in this world.

Her mother, my grandma, did very well through high school and would have overqualified for teacher’s college but chose instead to work to support her siblings. She was a math teacher her entire life and served as a high school principal. Her students love her and she is still in touch with some from half a century ago. She is loud, spritely, and extremely sociable. Her gift to me is the joy of bringing people together.

My great-grandma grew up in a landlord family that was well-off enough to hire maids. She married a charming military officer – grandma remembers him bringing back bullet shells for them to play with around New Year’s time.

Unfornutely during the turbulence of the early 20th century, her family lost all its wealth and her husband was forever lost at war. She had to bring up 5 children on her own. Grandma said that it was only because she was generous to people earlier on that the people reciprocated and supported her through poverty. She managed to send all of them to school. I visited her grave in 2021 in a small village surround by green fields. It was nestled in a dell with offerings that relatives placed earlier. Her gift to me, though we never met, is resilience and quiet dignity.